shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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