i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
