Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
