I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
