Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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