i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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