Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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