Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
