Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
