I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
