Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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