turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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