He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
