At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Someone shattered a urinal.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
