my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
