eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
