M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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