No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
