Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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