I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
