Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
