Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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