it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
