the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
