somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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