P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
