When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
