can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
