I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
