STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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