i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
