dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
