i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
