I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
