she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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