Me. At least after what I've been through.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
