I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have aggressive nipples.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
