Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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