So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
