Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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