I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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