We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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