Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
