i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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