we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
