i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
