Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
