Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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