Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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