Me. At least after what I've been through.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
