Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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