Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize