I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
