He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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