I think im going to throw up on grandma
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I touched a dick in church today
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
