oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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