Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
