ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
