There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
