Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
