Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
