I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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