maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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