I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
