A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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