took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize