So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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