My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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